No other single event sums up gratitude more perfectly than Thanksgiving. That annual November feast first held in 1621 continues the tradition almost 400 years later, still successfully bringing the Puritans and savages together even in the most dysfunctional of families. It’s a day that all across this great nation of ours everyone puts aside their hostilities and negative energy, pulling out the white flag and putting on their best happy face. And as we enter into the heart of the 5 week holiday season frenzy, there is nothing more appropriate to be thinking about than gratitude.
Many moons ago I was introduced first hand to the power of gratitude and how this one thing, if practiced correctly, can completely transform your life. I was married at the time, an unemployed father of a 2-year-old son. Our little family moved into my mother’s house in an attempt to give me a chance to regroup, focus on starting a career, and get my world in order. Nothing is more uplifting than the endless love my new son provided daily, but nothing more stressful than not being able to support your family financially. It was the darkest point in my life and I was very depressed. Remember the anxiety I endured every time I went grocery shopping, needing to purchase food I didn’t have money to buy my whole being would shrivel up into the space of the big toe on my right foot. I felt completely empty and worthless. It was then that I was gifted with a new book that Oprah was championing – The Gratitude Journal.
The premise for the promised full life transformation was a simple one: train yourself to focus on the positive, the amazing gifts and blessings which surround us all, and stop obsessing on the negatives and any lacking thoughts. This would be accomplished by making a conscious effort to wake-up every day and write down a list of 5 things which you are grateful for.
Initially, it was a very easy task but after about a week I found myself being more challenged to come up with new things. There is always the regular cast of characters to choose from like: air to breathe; the warmth of the sun; long walks on the beach; and chocolate covered bacon. But as the days turned in to weeks I had more and more difficulty coming up with new things I was grateful for. Looking back, it was because I felt hopeless with the weight of the major issues I was faced with, the magnitude of the challenges were leagues apart from anything I had to face before. I had been taken out at the knees by life. My innate ability to be wildly optimistic about everything and to see the positive side of any situation I faced had been completely decimated and sucked out of my being.
But as I continued filling my daily journal, slowly, something inside of me shifted. With the passage of each day, it became easier and easier to come up with new things I was grateful for. If you stop and think for just a second about all that you are blessed with, regardless of your own personal plight in life at any given moment, the list is truly endless.
Everyone reading this, sitting in your warm home sheltered from the winter’s cold, at a computer (or smartphone or iPad or 75″ Internet Connected Television), belly full and dressed from head to toe in one of hundreds of different combinations of outfits you can put together with the clothing that fills multiple closets and dresser drawers in your home – who’s luckier than you?!?! But we all seem to take so much for granted. So quick to always default to what we lack, what our neighbors have that we don’t, our thoughts gravitating towards what we are “missing” from our respective lives. And that is what is so magic about something like a Gratitude Journal – it helps re-train our brain, shifting from dark thoughts to those that are magnificent.
“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.” ~Marcus Tullius Cicero
Singing along to my first Christmas song on the car radio Thanksgiving Day, I felt the warm holiday fuzzies returning from their 11-month hiatus.
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas – Coldplay {YouTube}
Not sure what happens on January 2nd, but almost as quickly as it arrives everyone’s perpetual happy demeanor and default of walking on the sunny side of the street and being kind to strangers seemingly vanishes into thin air, as if it never really existed in the first place. But there I was, feeling like gobs of warm honey were being poured over my head as the music came through my car speakers and I belted out – “Have yourself a merry little Christmas… let your heart be light… from now on our troubles will be out of sight.”
In that moment I was reminded of the magic of the season. This entire time of year is one that somehow compels us to put our differences on the shelf – if for only five glorious weeks – to be altruistic and think outwardly as opposed to “What’s best for me?” The focus on the moment where it should be, everyone shifting to a place of LOVE and optimism as opposed to the typical default of FEAR and pessimism.
Gratitude – Some Food for Thought {VIDEO}
How is it possible that every year at this time the power of a season creates such a collective positivity from the masses? Not sure if it’s some unknown magical property when roasted turkey is combined with sweet potatoes, brown sugar and marshmallow fluff or it’s the nutmeg that’s added to all of the seasonal dishes’ hallucinogenic qualities kicking in. Whatever the root cause, there’s a wonderful undeniable transformation that happens leading up to Thanksgiving which carries over to the first of the New Year.
Whatever the reason, it makes me think a law should be passed immediately which changes the calendar year from one which has 12 unique months to one made up solely of repeating 5-week cycles:
WEEK ONE: Starts with a scrumptious Thanksgiving feast, gatherings across the land made up of close family, friends, and people we know in need of a family, all focusing on the many blessings in our respective lives.
WEEK TWO and WEEK THREE: Daily doses of shopping therapy and the tapping in to our consumption addictions to make everyone all cheerful and giddy, leading up to the anticipation of opening all of those brightly wrapped boxes, attending endless office parties, kisses under the mistletoe, and random acts of kindness between strangers of all ages.
WEEK FOUR: Culminating with the magic of Christmas morning, we all happily soak up the brief ecstasy of receiving all of those new possessions.
WEEK FIVE: Starts the countdown to the New Year…10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1… ending in a big sloppy kiss.
REPEAT: Thaw out another 20-pound bird and to start the process all over again!
First off, this idea isn’t that far-fetched. If you think about it, a proposal like this would fly through the legislative process with the full support of both parties and all of the powerful corporations that run our Government. The economy would be humming, as strong as ever. The populous would be kept in a constant state of “bliss” as their worry over their ever surmounting debt would be lost in the intoxicating feelings from the perpetual shop-till-you-drop cycle, everyone kept in a food coma with continuous holiday feasts, topped off with a glass of champagne and a smooch for good luck. Sounds to me like the American Dream.
But let me move away from my cynical side to get back to the topic of this blog post – gratitude.
Completely manufactured and transitory, I do appreciate the mental shift the majority of people undergo during this time of year. The shift is palpable: Everyone becomes a little more patient with traffic jams; When entering a store someone will clearly opt to actually stand back and hold a door for you to enter as opposed to the usual increase in their stride to assure their shoulder is ahead of you to gain the right of way; The ease at which people smile at one another when passing by in the street is undeniable. And the joy and conviction of people everywhere, going out of their way to greet each other as they cross paths on January 1st – “Happy New Year!” The warm feelings created for both the giving party as well as the ones receiving makes you wonder why we aren’t that outgoing and kind to our fellow man every day? (!)
Without my proposed mandated legislative change to our calendar year to create perpetual happiness, there are actually some people who carry that same warm, joyous holiday spirit around with them all year long regardless. Not talking about divine orders mandated from above and written in a great book of some sort which compels people to do good. I’m talking about those people who cross your path who have a special sparkle in their eyes, seem to radiate positivity, and would do anything for anyone – their purpose on this planet is clearly just to spread happiness.
When I think of pure happiness and people that truly “get it”, one person rises above all the others I’ve encountered on this planet – my buddy Matias. Someone who will be the first to assure you he’s no saint, every time I am in his company I learn more and more clearly about altruism, unconditional love, and what being “real” is all about. He has a way of pulling the best out of everyone he comes in contact with. In his company you just feel special somehow. You feel extraordinary.
When I think of Matias, I immediately get that same warm feeling of yumminess that comes with the holidays. Here is a single human being capable of warming the coldest of souls to the temperature of a freshly baked loaf of bread. There have been countless moment’s I’ve been in his presence where he has demonstrated his unique talent to make everyone feel like they’re special, they are unique and absolutely appreciated in every way. He has this uncanny ability to be in the moment and make every moment memorable, a true appreciation for just being alive another day, another opportunity to spread his unique brand of pure love. It’s intoxicating.
Matias is the first to notice an old lady exiting the grocery store, dropping whatever he’s doing immediately to offer his assistance. Or we’ll be driving down the road and seemingly out of nowhere he v-lines the car directly over to some people who have their hood open with steam rising from the engine compartment, he jumps out and offers whatever support he can to get them back on their way again. And then there is the weekly Sunday dinner which he opens his doors to his home and family to everyone in need of a hot meal, friendship, and a feeling of community.
Matias is a simple man, a true minimalist who exemplifies daily that real beauty exists solely on the inside, one’s focus should always be in service to others, and that by openly acknowledging everyone else’s exceptional qualities it magnifies your own. His appreciation for his endless blessings is always in the forefront of his thoughts, his altruistic actions a perfect example that when one’s heart is overflowing with gratitude their every action has the power to make the world a better place to be. His main purpose in life is to turn people’s frowns upside down.
But the granddaddy of them all, the biggest teacher of my life who found a way to leave everyone he touched a better soul was Super Gramps.
The picture above is my grandfather celebrating his 90th birthday, showing his appreciation for the gilded boxer shorts my children insisted would be “the perfect gift” for him. He had a contagious smile and an ever-present sparkle in his eyes, always the first to offer assistance to anyone in need. He was the patriarch of our family, an Episcopal minister by trade who always found a way to scrape his nickles together and send us to private school, make sure all of our “needs” and the majority of our “wants” were taken care of, and the one who taught me the key to having an exceptional existence – make certain travel, fresh food, and doing random kind acts for others are sprinkled throughout your daily life.
There are many amazing souls who are somehow able to effortlessly inspire with their love, kindness, and actions, that only the holidays are able to do for the majority of us for 5 weeks a year. Those precious teachers are my assurance that there are many more things in life with greater import than focusing on myself. They take gratitude one step further by knowing at a core level, without question, we are blessed simply to be alive. Their thoughts and actions always focused on how to share one’s overabundance with others. Demonstrating first hand that the secret to really being happy and feeling completely fulfilled lies outside of ourselves. And by being kind and considerate and compassionate and helpful to others – unconditionally and expecting nothing in return – will guarantee your own perpetual personal happiness.
“Everything is always better when it’s shared. Everything.” ~ Rev. Ralph D. Read (A.K.A: Super Gramps)
Pay it forward people. Find the silver lining in any situation – it’s there if you look hard enough. Be nice to strangers (all year long!). And always remember to think good thoughts and be grateful for all you are blessed with.
You have the opportunity not only to make today the best day of your life, but the real gift is the chance to make it the best day ever for someone else.